About three or four years ago there was this guy in my school who I had never really encountered before, however when I did see him for the first time, I felt an instant attraction to him. Me being me, I point blank refused to ever admit to him that I liked him but would keep on trying to drop subtle hints. I guess I feared being hurt. Over time he started liking me too and I thought ‘finally, a guy that I actually like also has feelings for me’ and I could not be happier.
It went well at first. We were texting each other every day and would spend some time with each other during break or lunch to have a proper chat. We even spent some time with just each other in town a few times. Everything seemed to be going so well. I had this guy who I felt I could be completely myself around and who I thought would potentially become my boyfriend. Or so I thought…
A few weeks into the summer holidays, he started becoming distant. I started getting panicky and thought I had done or said something that had put him off me. I kept on going through everything in my head and wondering whether I should have done something differently or if maybe he had just gone completely off me. I kept on wondering whether I should have left him alone or if I should have asked him what was going on. I should have asked him the latter.
A week or so later my friend happened to mention that she was mad at this guy. When I asked her why, she said it was because he had a girlfriend. I was so shocked, but at the same time it finally made sense as to why he had pretty much ghosted me. I think in that moment, that is possibly one of the angriest times I have ever been. When I text him, he completely blanked me. I was so shocked that someone who I thought could do no wrong had completely screwed me over. What’s more, he could not even tell me that he had a girlfriend and that I should either stop contacting him or that we could only be friends.
Around a week after he had ignored my message of him having a girlfriend, he decided to text me. At first, I thought he was texting me to apologise for not telling the truth and just to clear the air so that I knew where I stood. How wrong I was. He pretty much just asked me how I was and what I was up to and then I never heard from him again for a few weeks. In that moment I would have tried to question him about his girlfriend again, however I was too tired and angry to even want to get into that conversation. Plus, as he had ignored my first message, I presumed the same thing would apply here.
Him and his girlfriend broke up a couple of weeks later. At which point he came back to me and was all ‘hey, we haven’t spoken in ages. Can I call you?’. I wish I had told him no. But me being me, I said ‘yeah sure’. So, he called me, and we spoke for a few hours. Not once did he ever apologise for what happened and he tried to carry on like nothing had ever happened.
This pattern of us talking/not talking carried on for around a year, but still with no apology. It was only last year when I saw him for the first time in over a year that he apologised for what happened. In the same conversation where he apologised to me, he also tried to ask me if I wanted us to start talking again and to start seeing each other more. The problem was, as I felt I never really got any closure on what had happened (plus I still kind of liked him), I felt like maybe it was worth giving things another try as despite everything that had happened he still felt like the perfect guy for me. I mean at the time things originally happened we were only 15/16 and at that moment we were almost 19 and had grown up quite a lot during those years. When he left that night, he said he would text me when he got home, which to be fair to him he did. However, us talking again literally lasted a day.
This year on New Year’s Day he texted me. It was just a text saying ‘happy new year’ which I just presumed he had sent to everyone, so I sent the same message back to him. Except then we got into a conversation and he told me that he still likes me and that this year he wanted to see more of me. Instead of saying no, me still being the same stupid person that I have been my entire life, I told him I thought that was a great idea. I can confirm that I have not seen him at all this year. I can also confirm that the last time he text me was at the end of March. As far as I am concerned, nothing can ever happen between us.
What I urge any of you reading this is to not let anyone walk all over you like I have. I hate being confrontational with people, however what I wish I had done with this situation would be to stand up for myself a bit more and to tell this guy that it is not okay for him to keep on messing me around. If someone knows you are always going to be there as someone for them to go back to when things go wrong with someone else, they will keep on using you for as long as you are there. I am not saying to not give someone a second chance as we all make mistakes. However, if someone continuously messes you around, then they are obviously not interested in you, even if they tell you otherwise. They just want to try and keep you interested so you will be there for them when someone else leaves them, kind of like a rebound if you will.
It really is true what they say that if someone really wants you, they will put in the effort with you and will not ever make you feel like you are second best. You should also never believe that just because you want to settle down right now whereas the other person wants to play around for a few more years and then settle down that you should just sit and wait for them to be ready. That is not how it works. If a person really wants you and wants to spend the rest of their life with you, they will not be put off by the fact they will have to stick with that person for the rest of their life and will not want to go out and be with loads of other people first. The right person will want to share every single moment of their life with you and you only and will never want anyone else to change their mind about being with you. The right person will not walk all over you, they will walk with you.
Love Beth xx
Beth is a lifestyle and mental health blogger from England who has an aim of helping others through the difficult times in their lives and letting them know they are not alone through the blog posts she writes by sharing her own experiences. You can find her blog over at lifeofbeth761.wixsite.com/home and over on Twitter and Instagram as @lifeofbeth761.